Well, I've just made an appointment with a Russian hypnotist. I have had it with my nail biting. I just tried to eat a banana and my hands stung. And then I tried to wash my hands after the banana and they stung even more. And I'm like, wassup?! Can't a girl eat fruit and touch water anymore? I can't control myself and I have Michael Jacksonized myself (band-aids) for too long... it's getting ridiculous and embarrassing. But I'm not blushin', bring on the Russian! These E.T. fingers need a little decoration.
Apparently he's some small man who Russian-ly rambles on and on for two hours, growling at you if you fall asleep and barking compliments at you if he likes you. It's a group sesh, so I'm actually looking forward to weeding out the sex addicts and judging the people with paralyzing fears. I've heard it's mostly smokers, though...booooring. Then, I guess, I get a one-on-one where he breathes on me and "heals" my addiction. I'm all set with people unleashing midget, foreign air directly into my face, so hopefully he'll stock up on breath mints.
Either way, I am sick of getting distracted by an appetizing hangnail while I'm trying to look at my beautiful ring. I'm sick of showing the ring off with a fist to hide my mangled nails. I'm sick of looking like an animal while I gnaw at my hands. August 1st. It's going to happen.
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