Things that aren't right.

Hey! Blech, I've been sick all week and it blows. Earlier, my throat felt like it had a piece of sandpaper lodged in it, and I still have balloon head (where everything seems really far away-I think it's a real term. No I don't, I just made it up). People have been talking to me at work and I just stare back at them. My response mechanism really needs to improve before I alienate my coworkers all over again. They've just forgiven me for the office-egg-smell incident (I think).

1. Okay, so I'm waiting for the green line train yesterday and all of a sudden, what comes floating towards me but one of those awful, awful, awful statue people who are real, but pretend like they're not. You know them... they stand in a square and you stare at them and then they move and you're like, WTF? I thought you were a statue! Followed by my thought: I hate you and I'm terrified. For the record, I don't enjoy (at all) regular sized people in costume. Like, the Easter Bunny, or scary adult costumes at Halloween (never again, SCOTIA), or mascots (we'll talk later, Mark), or mannequins. They're just not my jam. I'm not even going to start on clowns.
So anyway, this woman is all white (face, arms, all of it) and is wearing a corset and a long skirt. So I'm like, peace out, sucka, I'm getting on the other train. And I did...happily noticing that she was on the platform as we pulled out (she had a bunch of crap with her and couldn't fit). Please note, by the way, that the fact that she was chatting on a cell phone did nothing to lessen my fear. To me, she was an unnatural human exhibit. I want no part of that.
So I get off at Park Street and wait for the red line, reading my book. The train arrives and I board, holding onto a pole, and only looking up when I feel someone standing right in front of me. It is the ghostly statue woman and I swear to God, my heart stopped. How did this happen?! I got noticeably freaked out and before I could stop myself went, "Oh no, no, no, no, no," and started pushing through people on the train to get the F away from her. I finally found a spot behind an obese fellow (get through that, statue freak!) and chilled out, but I'm not going to lie, I swear she was giving me the stink-eye for the rest of the trip. She got off at Harvard, so watch out, Mark. And don't count on me coming to visit anytime soon.

2. A woman just called to change her credit card on file and as I was helping her, I heard a familiar voice in the background. Seems that my phone friend was watching a fabulous little show called Snapped. For those who don't know, it's a show about women who were pushed too far (or are just naturally crazy psychos)... and commit murder. And I am OBSESSED. So obsessed, in fact, that I was able to identify the exact case she was watching (a Russian woman, addicted to wealth and fortune, killed her husband!)
So obviously, I was going to share my observation with her, but A) I realized that it makes me sound pathetic and B) I didn't know if she'd appreciate me pointing out that she was home at 3:00 on a Thursday, watching Oxygen. Plus, her membership picture looked mean and I don't need anyone snapping on me, thanks.

Moral of my story: Watch Snapped, but know that it's never okay to murder anyone. Unless it's a human statue and it's self-defense.