A night in a luxury box with a Red Sox player...no biggie!

So my FABULOUS Aunt Becky had tickets to a Bruins game last night and invited me, my cousin Jennifer and her husband Steve to go with her. Ended up being just a typical night...in a luxury box... with a former Red Sox player (who, I'll be honest here, I had never heard of) !!!

First of all, the luxury box had chicken wings, chicken fingers, pizza, poppers, hot dogs, hamburgers, veggies, chips, pretzels, fruit, popcorn, soup, gummi bears, and a beer full of fridge... FOR FREE. Just, hey, what's up, eat and drink whatever you want, watch the game (or one of the several flat screens), whatever. It was so, so cool. Naturally, I decided to take the classy approach and polish off a bottle of wine in the fridge (in my defense, there wasn't much left) and kill another full bottle. It was like the luxury box people wanted me to, you know? I certainly don't like to disappoint.

So at the end of the first quarter, Steve leans over and goes, "That guy behind you? Brian Daubach." I was like, "WHAT? No way... where?!" No clue who he was talking about, but who doesn't love fitting in? Aunt Becky actually didn't know either. Jennifer, however, not only knew who he was, but apparently is the president of his fan club. Homegirl stood, red-faced and clutching a Miller Lite, with the BIGGEST crazed schoolgirl grin I have ever seen. After posing for a picture with him, she tried to call Mark to share the good news, but ended up getting so flustered, she gave me the phone going, "I just....he's on...so...Daubach." It was the funniest thing I've ever, ever seen. I thought she was excited at her wedding and when her children were born...turns out, only kind of. This, my friends, was excitement. Anyway, Steve and Daubach are now besties and have each other's phone numbers! Jennifer better learn to pull it together, in case they ever hang out again; he's going to think she's a maniac. My interaction with ol' Daubach consisted of me asking him to move (he was blocking the March Madness flat screen) and drunkenly attempting to impress him with his own game highlights (which I messed up...uh, sorry Mark).

Oh, AND Jen and Steve got to bring home the tins with the chips, gummi bears and popcorn in them! Could the night have been any better?! Oh. Actually, I guess if maybe the Bruins had won!
THANKS AUNT BECKY!

After a small hiatus, I'm brack(et!)

I know that the people who read this have been dying for another entry, so here's one for both of you! It is time again for the March Madness and man, do I feel good about my picks! So far, I've looked up what the crap VCA and BYU stand for, chuckled over the word Gonzaga, priced out flights to Memphis, and performed an Amazon search for Cabbage Patch Kids. Hey, don't SyraCUSE me of not being invested....IT'S MARCH MADNESS BABY!

**Just so you know, my picks are in red!

Louisville/Play-in Winner What if I don't like the Play-in Winner? Ghost teams are tricky, I've always said it.

Ohio St/Siena
I think Mark Willis likes Siena? Or is it Sierra? I know he likes Ciara, the singer (raaandom). Whatever, let's just say I wouldn't have picked Siena on my own. Sienna Miller is a homewrecker and I never want homewreckers to win bracket contests.

Utah/Arizona
I got my tattoo in Utah and those Mormons messed. it. up. Plus, I'm still like, what a freakshow that Elizabeth Smart story was, right?!


Wakeforest/Cleveland St
Our valedictorian went to Wakeforest and she played basketball, so why not? She has a baby now and doesn't play ball anymore, so I thought I'd give her glory years a shout-out. (Sorry Colleen).


West Virginia/Dayton
Eh, kind of a snoozefest matchup, right?! I could have gone either way, but I googled both schools, and Dayton's rec center is called the RecPlex! Sounds like a funny dinosaur.

Kansas/N. Dakota St
I was Dorothy for Halloween when I was in first grade and all the other Dorothys (and there were a lot) just had plain red shoes. My dad not only spray-painted my shoes red, he also doused them with sparkles to make them totally authentic. Everyone was so jealous and that is why Kansas will win this game.

Boston College/Southern Cal
I live in Boston, so I want to support our schools. I also originally thought that Jordan Cavanaugh (of Crossing Jordan) attended BC, but upon further Wiki exploration, I found that she is a BU alum. My choice still stands though, because I'm pretty sure she could have gotten into BC if she'd applied.

Michigan State/Robert Morris
The only pool that invites me to play the brackets is full of Michigan State graduates. I feel as though it's only fair that I support their team for awhile (especially since it's a number two seed!) In other news, Robert Morris is named after a Revolutionary War American who was called "The Financier of the Revolution" for his financial assistance during the movement for freedom.

Connecticut/Chattanooga
This was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make in awhile. Who wouldn't root for an adorable college like Chattanooga?! But if I'm going to be smart about this, I've got to look at the seeds. And to make myself feel better, I'll think of Chattanooga as a slow moving train that wouldn't have won anyway- even if they'd had my support. Chattanooooooga! I still secretly want you to win.

BYU/Texas A&M
BYU is Brigham Young University, FYI. And the A&M ( after Texas) used to represent the institution's original name, Agricultural and Mechanical College, but no longer stands for anything. I like that they're honest about the (now) random letter attachment, and I love the state of Texas.

Purdue/Northern Iowa
Easy. I love chicken. Doesn't everybody?!

Washington/Mississippi St
So difficult. The ex-Bachelor (who I have a mental hit out on) is from Seattle-yuck. And I have put my feet in the Mississippi River (best day of Becca's life)- hooray! And apples do give me wicked reflux- blech... but I'm going with Washington on this one. I do like Washington Irving.

Marquette/Utah St
I usually go against Marquette, because I hate chicken croquettes and marionettes, but as I mentioned before, I have unrelenting anger towards Mormon tattoo artists.

Missouri/Cornell
When you're going up in the St. Louis arch, they put you in little pods and you feel like a Jetson. I found that to be pretty neat and don't think Cornell can top it.

California/Maryland
California wasn't kind to Jessica with taxes and I'm really in the mood for crabcakes.

Memphis/CS Northridge
CS stands for Cal State. Boooring. They should have it be CSI- Cal State Institution. Anyway, I'm choosing Memphis. Because I love, love, love it there.

Pittsburgh/E. Tenn. St. 

Blech!  The Steelers uniform is dreadful, but it's nice that Pittsburgh won the Superbowl. I'll support a city I've never been to because I love my home state! Seriously though...serial killer uniform.

Oklahoma St/Tennessee
Because I feel guilty about abandoning Chattanooga...

Florida St/Wisconsin
I love doing the fancy gator chomp cheer! And though I love cheese, it does not love me. I generally wouldn't hold it against the entire state, but I don't think Wisconsin has a fun cheese cheer to make me feel better about my dairy issues.

Xavier/Portland St
Cabbage Patch, Cabbage Patch, Cabbage Patch! If my parents would have signed Xavier on Becca's butt when she was little, she could've passed for one. Easily.

UCLA/VCU
VCU stands for Virginia Commonwealth University and I let my coworker, Alie, pick this one. She knows that she'll accept full blame for an undesirable result.

Villanova/American
I support my PA teams. Plus, I knew a girl in high school who went to American and she was somewhat of a sexual deviant. I mean, it's her life, but if she thinks I've forgotten what I've heard, I haven't.

Texas/Minnesota
You DON'T mess with Texas. Everybody knows that. I had the best steak there in 2002.

Duke/Binghamton
The Carolinas are where I live in my wonderworld of imagination.

North Carolina/Radford
Obviously North Carolina! If not for the beauty of the state and the basketball uniforms, how about the fact that my fave, Andy Griffith, went to UNC Chapel Hill?! He donated a bunch of his memorabilia to the university too...what a guy.

LSU/Butler
Even though Britney's back, y'all, I had to go with Butler on this one. Streaks on your china... never mattered before... who cares? Also, our landlords have been pretty decent.

Illinois/Western Ky
Why, you ask? Not a clue. Can't remember my rationale behind this one... especially since I don't think Westky's going to win this one. But I have to be true to my initial decision.

Gonzaga/Akron
Gonzag-a! Gonzag-a! Gonzag-a! YES! Aside from the fact that gorgonzola cheese doesn't bother my stomach, I despise Akon (the singer).

Arizona St/Temple
Scary campus, I hear. But maybe that means the players are fearless on the court. At the beginning of each game, if I were Temple, I'd lower the lights and boom, "Welllllcome to the Temple of DOOM!" So...

Syracuse/S. F. Austin
What a toughy! S.F Austiners call themselves the LUMBERJACKS! Love it. But Syracuse won a tricky game in a buttload of overtimes last week and I'm like, yeah, you've got my vote, SARAHcuse.

Clemson/Michigan
Everything about the word Clemson sounds so southern to me. I just picture students lounging under a large tree, with their fab accents and a glass pitcher of lemonade, and it sounds lovely. This obviously means that their basketball team should win.

Oklahoma/Morgan St
I don't know...Morgan Freeman hasn't been on his game recently and I wonder how much of that is Morgan State University's fault. Maybe a lot, maybe not at all. Either way, they shouldn't win and, memo to Morgan Freeman--- pick better movies! Geez.

Oh, and Memphis will obviously win the whole thing!

Serial killers and angry women

I watched the best episode of Criminal Minds last night! The gang profiles a killer who works in a motel, targeting couples who check in. He stalks them in their room, then kills them, putting their bodies in a car in the middle of the street waiting for another car to hit it. The gang called the accidents "the final rape" but I was sort of like, ummm, kind of a stretch, guys. I think he just wanted to be an asshole killer. Benson and Stabler never make up dumb shit like that.

Anyway, my main motivation for watching (besides Greg from Dharma and Greg), was that TEEN WITCH was the guest star! She did a bang-up job and it was lovely to see her, even though she almost got killed. I always used to confuse her with Cindy Lubbock, though Cindy tends to frequent the Lifetime circuit more than prime time television. I'm sure it's by choice.

Speaking of Lifetime, one of my favorite Lifetime movies, A Face to Die For, starring the incomparable Yasmine Bleeth, was also on the other night. A disfigured woman is duped by a "handsome" (uh, if they say so) stranger and winds up in jail. Once sprung, she gets some incredible plastic surgery (aka, the makeup artist wipes the scar makeup off Yasmine's face) and totally screws with Mr. Handsome! I remember watching the original airing in 1996 and lets just say the payback is JUST as satisfying now. My father used to love Yasmine Bleeth...I smell a birthday present!

Last thing- I mentioned Dharma and Greg before, and I just want to go on record as saying that I never cared for that show. Their marriage would never, ever happen. That flaky biotch drove me crazy and I'm nowhere near as Type A as Greg was supposed to be.

Reality tv, don't make me give up on you.

As one of reality television's biggest supporters (except for The Hills- I will never understand that show), I am disgusted at the crap-ass turn it's taken this week. Could anything be worse than the outcomes of two of my former favorite shows?! Flop Chef and The Snatchlor, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Rewarding mediocrity is unacceptable and does a major disservice to us as viewers. This is not like choosing a crazy, but talented, winner; Lisa from ANTM and Marcel from Top Chef, a win would have been fine by me! No, this is inflating the egos of two idiotic nobodies FOR NO APPARENT REASON. Padma, Tom, Gail- I blame you for Hosea. America, Jason, and women in general- we are to blame for Gayson. Host Chris Harrison- it is never your fault.

Other than make out with Leah, will someone please tell me what else Hosea accomplished on Top Chef? (If you count making out with a witch an accomplishment). My major problem with this win is that Top Chef never seems to weigh the contestant's entire portfolio when judging the final meal. Yes, Hosea's meal was probably the best in the finale, but he was completely forgettable throughout the season. It was basically a "Eh, you survived and cooked a decent final meal" nod. Plus, since when do we reward incessant whining and intolerable confidence issues? If I had to hear one more word about Stefan, I swear I was going to jam a meat thermometer through Hosea's eye. Stefan was, by far, a superior chef, but rather than use that as incentive to succeed, Hosea chose to bitch and moan about it in every. single. confessional. Kind of like Ilan did with Marcel. And then Ilan won. Maybe Papa Tom pities the Younger Sibling Syndrome. Either way, this win was Carla's or Stefan's. I don't generally care for letting a giraffe prepare my meals, but dammit if Carla didn't pull some incredible dishes out of her ass (not literally). I've never heard of putting love in a dish (though I do usually hold the hate) but whatever she did consistently impressed the judges. And Stefan was just awesome. For anyone who didn't care for him, sometimes it's okay to be confident about your abilities. It's what makes people successful. Well, that and making out with the ugliest person in the house, apparently.

As for the "sensitive single dad just trying to find love," I'd rather find him a psychiatrist. I was so horrified by his behavior that I threw three New Yorkers, one sock, and a hat at the television, yelling at Mark for the actions of a douchebag neither of us knows. Now just to be clear, I am aware of the idiocy of The Bachelor. Twenty-five makeup-caked, "amazing" women with an abundance of jewel-encrusted 80's evening gowns, all desperately looking to find love with the same super-suave, surprisingly unattached man?! Preposterous. And also my favorite reality show (Jeff Probst, you are a close second, relax). How do you top the hilarity of using "My eggs are rotting," as a pickup line?! Can't be done. Trista's baby talk, Bob's wandering tongue, Lorenzo Lamas' daughter, Brad peacing out on BOTH ladies? Perfection, and for the record, good for Brad. DeANNA, Jenny...why the hell would you want a guy who not only chose not to propose, but chose not to even date you?!

Which brings me back to Gayson. My problem is not that he chose Melissa and then wanted to break up with her (see: every other season of The Bachelor). I'm just so disgusted that rather than do it in private, he Jenny Jonesed her ass, hiding her backstage while he discussed his dickhead plan with Chris. You could tell that Melissa was surprised, humiliated and angry, and that really, really sucks. The worst part is that Gayson still hides behind all that "I had to follow my heart" and "I don't regret anything" and "It just got too hard" bullshit. As the honorable Jimmy Dugan once said, "If it wasn't hard everybody would do it. The hard is what makes it great." You big, gay, selfish, punk-ass puppet. If I were Melissa, I would have been like, "Really? Nothing? You don't regret proposing to me, telling your child I was his new mommy, and spending the holidays cozying up to my family?!" And then I would have flipped the table and smashed a vase over his head. I guarantee Host Chris Harrison would have looked the other way.

Following the ambush, Sloppy Seconds nervously wobbled out to the couch and excitedly welcomed her indecisive knight in shining armor back with open arms, as "her feelings never changed either." Desperate hag. Then the other jilted ladies (the luckier ones) weighed in, voicing a slight distaste for the way Mr. Perfect handled the situation, but generally satisfied with the fact that he had finally found happiness. And this is precisely the problem. Somewhere down the line, the happiness of these lonely ladies became overshadowed by the insistence that Gayson just deserved it more. Hello? He cries and says the word "incredible" over and over again- more deserving, no. A homo, yes. Stephanie's husband was killed and she has a small child, but is anyone losing sleep over her loss? Or giving her unlimited resources to woo and destroy a steady line of singles? Nope. Though, if we're being honest, Canada Jill needs it more. Viola Swamp ain't getting any younger.

On a personal, bitchy note, I'm also wondering why both Gayson and Molly seem unable to execute a proper smile? The corners of their mouths just don't seem to want to turn up, resulting in a weird, horizontal, rounded, pill-shaped perma-wince. Actually, their mouths resemble Melissa's former diamond. And Gayson's son looks like a demonic Eddie Munster.

That is all. Jason and Molly, good luck with your unfunny, codependent, and nondescript lives and please put Ty in therapy immediately. Melissa, find yourself a straight guy and stay away from public matchmaking. It's what I did.

Well? Will You?

What do you guys think about that?